Poetry, Part Fifty-two

On this Memorial Day, I want to recall at least one whom I knew in the service who was gay.

During the ceremonies yesterday at the San Joaquin National Military Cemetery, when the African-American retired Army general spoke at length about all of the men and women who have served, most especially the Buffalo Soldiers and then other ethnic minorities, and women, who have proudly served their country, I half-expected that he would mention gays and lesbians who have also served, though in silence, who might soon be able to serve openly. But he did not mention our contributions. Despite the patriotic songs and prayers and speeches, and all the talk of fighting wars to seize and maintain freedom, we were not mentioned. I wonder how, if this measure finally passes, we may be mentioned next year, when it isn't an election year and most of the local politicians are not at ceremonies such as this because they have been reelected or tossed out.

I wrote the following poem after Dan Stratford's graduation when he was not allowed to attend to receive his diploma because he was not, like the others, to be commissioned. He received his diploma separately and simply left the Academy and moved in with Dick Tuttle in Denver. All the money spent to educate and train him to be an Air Force officer went to waste. But that was tax payers' money and the military didn't have to be accountable. I myself would be offered $10,000 if I would simply leave quietly. Just like Leonard Matlovich was offered $140,000, which he also took, to end his suit and go away.

I felt a particular sense of loss at the graduation since I had contacted Dan after hearing about the investigation surrounding him and wanted to offer him my support. Now that he was gone, and George Gordy and Bill Ryder, his two friends, were also gone, I sadly looked forward to the next academic year without any of them. Of course, I was not to know that in about three weeks, I would be on my way out; and I was no longer going to have to think about being at the Academy teaching without any of them.

USAFA Commissioning (1979)

We are all at a time
dismissed,
like these cadets here
this day.
Responsible
for our deviations
as others define.

Now I am allowed to know
within the souls of a few,
and, therefore, in all spirits--
To catalogue the violations of each.

Hypocrisy is best here and sincere.
Do not demean;
For all they demand
are those who know from this act
not to openly disgrace.

We count before us
those who conspicuously deter:
Unrevealed for four years
by act or regulation. Those never betrayed.

The few who are missing
missed because of prevailing proof.
They were not cautious.
Unlike the Thunderbirds
who practice to look like performers:
Talent maneuvers to survive.

So, too, are we like these survivors.
Some secrets are less dark from exposure,
some not. We meter liberty as light.

The silent are merely suspected,
not condemned,
as no one is deliberately discredited
without cause;
As we are safe now.

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